Searching for something to search for...

With my original post, I realized that I do better with structure. I want this blog to be something more than an online journal recording my mind's ramblings as I amble through my daily life. Sure, there is a lot to say and be said for each daily moment that may take me closer to some form of enlilghtened existence. That stuff is interesting......but.....there are so many OTHER options, too.

So I do love to travel, and my last few trips have been amazing but they have missed the element of transformational impact. When I was 17, three factors collided to make me a searcher. I went on my first trip to Europe, I realized that I wanted a different type of life than what my parents had patterned, and I found my natal religion lacking in consistency and spiritual support. At this point, I have established some sort of life pattern of my own, I have hacked through the jungle of religious beliefs to find what works for me, and I have been back to Europe a few times. The borders of the unknown have rescinded. And I felt like a shell. A shell of a seeker searching for a quest.

And I found one! It's sublime! It's a book, called "You Can Do It, The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-up Girls". This book was at my favorite store, and I started thumbing through it five months ago.After several visits, I finally bought it. There are sixty tasks that can be completed, with very cute stickers at the end for recognition. And I had this thought that I would write a blog tracking the tasks I have selected, something that would be something between "Julie & Julia" and "Eat, Pray, Love". But in order to give the tasks the time they deserve, this will take more than a year. I am thinking three. Maybe four. Maybe I will never be done. It is hard to say. But what's the rush?

This book is by Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas. She died on United Flight 93 on 9/11/2001. Any time I think of that, my eyes fill up with tears. Oh, that day. I had to complete a list of my addresses for the last 10 years for a background check the other day, and I struggled to recall where I lived 10 years ago. But that day. I can tell you what I did the day before and the day after, and what I was wearing on all three days. I have heard of those days that impact generations, like the Challenger explosion and the JFK assasination, but 9/11 is really the only experience I have of that generational memory blotting.

After she died, her sisters finished the book. Somehow, all of this comes together to really make me want to do a good job on this task of want-to-do's I am selecting for myself. This book is amazing. It has give me inspiration. To finish. And to live.

Okay, so I am going to list the different tasks below. I am going to put an asterisks next to my preliminary choices. I think some of these can be grouped together, which will be my task following choosing which ones to do. Some, those that are either easily started or already easily in reach, I will jump right into. Here is the list:

• dare to dream*
• dancing
• travel*
• acting
• firewalking*
• public speaking*
• activism*
• starting a rock band
• drafting a business plan*
• aviation*
• singing*
• painting*
• writing*
• filmmaking*
• photography*
• building a web site*
• gardening*
• redo a room*
• beading*
• sewing*
• quilting*
• knitting
• negotiating*
• speaking a foreign language*
• go back to school*
• playing an instrument*
• art appreciation*
• get well-read*
• cooking*
• wine appreciation*
• entertaining*
• fitness*
• yoga*
• surfing*
• climbing
• skydiving*
• triathlon*
• scuba diving*
• snow sports*
• billiards*
• horseback riding*
• nutrition*
• healthcare*
• breaking bad habits*
• look sharp--personal style*
• budgeting*
• saving and investing*
• estate planning*
• car care*
• computer care*
• home maintenance*
• organizing*
• meditation*
• teaching*
• camping*
• genealogy*
• family rituals*
• dating*
• strengthening your relationship*
• volunteering*
• dream on (make  your own badge)*

I have my own list, that I made 10/05. I would like to include it, because I would like to incorporate my personal dreams with the structure of the book. That way, this is tailored to fit me!

1. Save baby sea turtles
2. Visit Hawaii & see whales (completed)
3. Visit Napal, Thailand, Japan
4. Teach English in another country (completed)
5. Meet a guru
6. Have a family
7. Build a fortune
8. Fall MADLY in love
9. See a movie at Sundance (completed)
10. Write/publish a novel
11. Get a motorcycle (completed)
12. Get a graduate degree
13. Become a master scuba diver
14. Buy a house (completed)
15. Own my own private island
16. Get married
17. Go horseback riding in Southern Utah/Grand Canyon
18. Go river rafting
19. Learn to weld
20. Adopt a baby
21. Do something for world peace/hunger
22. (This one is for me to know)
23. Go around the world three times

Crap, that gives me 83 things to do and learn, some of them extremely intense. What am I thinking? Wait, I have some completed, and I did not select all 60 from the book. I am down  to 72.  Well, that's my goal and my search. I will leave another post right after this with rudimentary plans of attack, but this enough for one post.